You're in my personal space, so get out of it. - Carol Plum-Ucci
The idea of personal space varies from one person to another, but there are always some basic rules and guidelines that we must follow. It helps our social interactions, relationship dynamics, personal safety, and others. As adults, things might seem very easy to handle, but we sometimes falter. But, for kids, it might have different implications and for them to understand personal space can be a tough thing. Since they are vulnerable, this might be the most crucial thing for them to learn at an early age. More than anything, it pertains to their safety and well-being.
Let us first understand the concept of personal space and what are its types. 4
Simply put, personal space is the distance you maintain between yourself and others. But personal space is also subjective. What feels too close for comfort for you might be acceptable for someone else. There can be several external factors that can influence a person’s unique boundaries, including:
● Cultural differences
● Childhood experiences
● Upbringing and history of abuse
● Individual personality traits, such as introversion or extroversion
● Age and gender
● Neural disorders like autism etc.
● Stress disorders
Proxemics is the study of space in human social interactions. In “The Hidden Dimension,” author and anthropologist Edward Hall illustrates four kinds of personal space based on social, emotional, and physical factors:
Intimate distance: It mostly refers to direct body contact. Intimate distance is typically reserved for partners, family members, and close friends.
Personal distance: Mostly designates personal distance as taking place between 1–4 feet, depending on your relationship with the other person. Maintaining a personal distance in work interactions demonstrates professionalism and respect, as it accommodates a person’s space and doesn’t feel overly familiar.
Social distance: It is mostly considered as 4–12 feet. This distance usually doesn’t feel intimate and is ideal for situations that require formality, like interacting with customers or giving a small presentation.
Public distance: It ranges from 12–25 feet or more. This mostly refers to situations where you engage with large audiences or during public speaking when the speaker requires distance and can establish authority and control.
Teaching children about personal space is also a way to introduce them to their right to privacy, and how some parts of their body shouldn't be touched by other people. This also teaches them about appropriate ways to touch someone else.
Here are some simple steps for parents to start with personal space lessons for their child.
1) Show them the right way- It is very important to exhibit personal space guidelines yourself before you teach your child. Ask for permission before hugging and kissing them after they reach a certain age. After a certain age, ask them for their permission before hugging or kissing them so that they know the norms they should follow as well.
2) Let them choose- Allow children to decide who they kiss and hug for themselves and avoid emotional blackmail or frowning just because of embarrassment. As they grow older children need to feel safe and secure enough to decline if predators try to make them do something they feel uncomfortable about. Feeling guilty about saying ’no’ to an adult is not going to help in this situation.
3) Use resources to explain – For younger kids, use stories, show them educational and animated videos, play games, or do activities to make them understand personal space. Smaller children tend to learn and retain better if they are explained in fun ways.
4) Respect privacy- As much as we want our children to learn about their personal space, it is also important for them to learn to respect others. Help them understand the norms of social distancing or social manners, especially while interacting with friends, family members, and strangers. This is also an important aspect of safety and social behaviour.
5) Educate them to communicate- Most importantly, they must be confident to talk to you whenever they have any doubts or face a situation. Always create an environment where they can freely open up to you because it also impacts values like self-worth, body image, and others.
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